It seems often that there is too much to say and not enough words. Yesterday I went on a hike for several hours, then took a break to read Wendell Berry in an oak tree. These are the sorts of experiences I used to yearn for while living in New York City.

It is almost October. My heart tells me that it is so. Coming from Connecticut, I used to take the train home every autumn, waiting for what might be the peak weekend for foliage. Even just the drive home from the train station to my parent's house was magic - colours, colours. And then I'd be home. The night air would smell like fire and my home would be like cinnamon. I'd request a hike, just to see as many maple trees lit up as I could. This is what I miss about New England. We'd pick apples and drink cider and I think that perhaps there is no other place on earth of be than New England in Autumn.

California is changing too. I am learning to get over my belief that we are in a perpetual season of pleasant weather. I can smell it in the air, something has shifted. Harvest, too. We gather the grapes in the Autumn.

I find this to be a significant discovery, because I only know the L-RD as he relates to seasons. And, what is happening now? Roots are going deeper, though not in any specific place. I am still nomadic, my things are still stored in the trunk of my car. But, my heart is stretching. This season seems to be exactly what he told me he would give me. For that, I am thankful. For that, I trust him. Somethings are not so great, nightmares haunting me, and never knowing where I am sleeping next, or for how long.

But I am beginning to lose my fear.

I wonder how it is I came here. We didn't plan it or pick it out. We were just sitting on his couch one day and I saw a picture and then I felt at home. I do not know how often G-D works in my decisions, but in this one I can only see his hand in it after the fact. And, my retrospect is how I know to trust him. How good, how good.

In the spirit of Autumn I have begun to ask him what needs to be sacrificed. What can I give up? What can I burry? How can I be more free? He must become greater, I must become less. I need a bigger heart.