family.

before i left, when i was just deciding to leave in fact, a wise old soul young woman warned me about the loneliness.

when you go, she said, i will be worried about the loneliness. that's what i would think of if i were to go.

i told her i was looking forward to it. it might be nice to be lonely for a while. at the time, i craved such solitude.

it didn't come right away. the first five months i have been surrounded by hearts and love and welcome. and then, all of a sudden, it was thanksgiving and everyone had a family and i longed to look into little hannah's eyes and talk to her about her shoes. and i started crying. and there haven't been many days since that i haven't cried from need of a family.

i need a family.