the selflessness of jesus, pouring in and taking out. the commands of jesus. the command of jesus. jesus is a command. the selflessness and the authority and the grace and the love. the power in a man who does not fear the cost of death at the price of love. love. the love of jesus serving. the love of dying daily only to die again only to live. the compulsion to die daily only to die only to live. the beauty of dying for another. the beauty of a love so compelling i think not of my self. do not pray for yourself, pray for others and see what happens to yourself. a game, a test with the father to experiment what his commands might mean. the desire, the deepest desire to spend more time away, more time hidden, more time with him. the feeling, the stirring, that this is all or nothing. that my life has to look differently than before. the deepest desire to be among the poor. to house the widows. to fast for the hungry. to die only to live again.
the stirrings of jesus. the beginnings of seeing a man, and why he died, and why he mattered. a man so familiar he's easy to miss. the addiction to his presence, the conviction of his name.
these things stir. john 10.10. life abundant might not mean anything about what i think it means. only to die in order to live. and, here i pray, like paul, to only know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
yes, i pray to know even that. even so i might greater know his joy.
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