only love to you.

i did not know that one simple move could change the course of so many things. is any move simple? is any transplant of hearts and bodies a simple task? or it is against us, as i suspect, to uproot from the people and souls and soils we've planted ourselves in.

blow after blow, in the last two weeks, everything has changed. and one final blow tonight. one final connection severed; the most important one.

all i can say is: go. go in the direction your heart has always dreamed and bloom there. let me be proud. let me go as well, to sift. you, my dear, are on the brink of discovery. and while we stood at the brink of love, while we held each other's bodies close, we knew it was only for a bit. i adore you. i simply adore you. but go, go make music and dream dreams and have thoughts that you need to have. do not follow me.

and simply, thank you. and simply thank you for not asking me to come, nor dismissing mine. and simply, in the goodbye, my heart only swells one more time to affirm: i am the luckiest to know that you are alive. and to have my heart moved by you and changed by you is something in only count as good even in my longing to have you come back.

at night, i will whisper 'come back,' but i will not beg or plead or beg your pardon. i will not apologize for the threadbare faith i am but only hanging onto, mock it though you do. if its only that veil that keeps us apart, than you deserve the credit for your integrity - for your respect to not ask me to take one final swipe against it and come all back into your life. you deserve my admiration, from afar. i can only say you are good. i can only say i am so thankful to have known a man like you. your kaleidoscope heart revealing itself is so many hidden ways. i love it. i do, i love it.

and i too, have paths to find, a veil to darn, a strength to rediscover. i will sing as the barren women, singing as in the days of her youth. tents rebuilt, a life restored. and thank you to you, for seeing that strength as it was seeping out of me. and only love to you, one day we will meet again. only love to you.