i have found that in my year of forgiveness, i am repenting. i have found that my own need for forgiveness is greater than any mercy i might hand out to another - some gift of grace that i myself do not contain. and, i have found that every inch of me, every cell, and interwoven emotion and substance of being that might make up a soul is thirsty. i need grace to pour over me and through me and in me and create in me a new heart and a steadfast spirit. i have found that i need a grace willing to see me and i need it to matter. i need it to cover and go deeper and wider than me.
i have found that in my year of forgiveness, i am the one asking.
"My secret is that I need God--that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love." (douglas coupland - life after god)
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